I often look around and wonder if you have forgotten about me. I think what’s the point of living this holy and set apart life if in the end I have nothing to show for it? I think about how far I’ve come and for that I am eternally grateful. Yet, I can’t seem to shake the gnawing feeling that there is still so much more that I have been asking for that seems unanswered. I know I am not supposed to compare my life to others but for the sake of transparency and the fact that you already know what I’m thinking before I say it, I mind as well be real. Why is it that everyone else around me (including those who are not even serving you might I add) seem to be #winning, #relationshipgoals, #boss, #blessed, and whatever else used to explain the plethora of good fortune they have in life, and I still feel… well the same? Why is it that I pay my tithes and offerings, worship you (and not only on Sundays), attend bible study, am abstinent, obedient to your voice and plan for my life, kind to others, walk in integrity as best I can and I still don’t have much to show for it? Why is it that life looks easier on the other side of faith?
Lord tell me how to navigate these feelings without losing hope and becoming bitter. Help me to see that there is something on the other side of obedience and that my living is not in vain. Help me to know that all of the desires of my heart will be realized and one day there will be a testimony that comes out of all of these tests. Lord just help me to hold on…
Why are you looking to others to measure my love and blessings over your life? Have I not told you to look straight ahead on me and not to your right or to your left? Have I not restored your broken heart after you purposely went outside of my will? Have I not provided for you despite your circumstances? Have I not comforted you and given you a peace that surpasses all understanding? Have I not reminded you that I AM God and my thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, and my ways are far beyond anything you could ever imagine? My child, have I not promised you that if you share in my sufferings you may also share in my glory? Have you forgotten that when the time is right, I the LORD will make it happen? Have you forgotten that as my servant you are only doing your duty when you live holy as I am holy and follow commandments as you ought?
I know all of that is true. But why must it be so hard? Why do I have to see the unjust prevail while I continue to proclaim I’m waiting on you? Or better yet my own sisters and brothers receive blessings that we were praying for together, yet you only heard their cry. Why should I continue to walk this walk and talk the talk when at times I feel like my feet won’t move and I have nothing to say? What is the point of it all?
The point of it all is for my glory to be revealed in you. The point of it all is that you have a great High Priest in my Son Jesus who understands everything you are going through and can help you through the storms of life. The point is for your faith to be stretched and for your relationship with me to be deepened. My child people are watching and wondering how you are making it and you have a chance to point them to Me, the point of it all. Remember that weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning. Remember that I can restore the years that the locusts have eaten. Remember that I am a God of suddenly and I love to do the impossible in your life. Recall my history and my track record in your life and the lives of those around you. Remember that I am a just God and nothing goes unseen by me. Remember my names in times of weariness. I AM the Great I AM, meaning whatever you need me to be, I AM that. I am El Roi, the God who sees you and know you everything about you. I am Jehovah Jireh, your provider. I am Jehovah Rapha, the God who can and will heal you. I am Jehovah Raah, your shepherd who guides, protects, and watches over you. I am Jehovah Shalom, the peace that you need to make it through any and every situation. Stop focusing on what you don’t have and fix your eyes on what you do have, and that is Me.
I will remember God!