Hey ladies!… No scratch that, hey single ladies! This one is for you. Have you ever felt invisible? Like you literally must be outside of the peripheral let alone the central view of any man? Or if you do get some play, every date comes back void. Maybe he’s weird or things just don’t work out, or even worse you’re feeling him and thought he was feeling you but then he just stops calling. I feel your pain, your frustrations, your confusion, and your possible insecurities. I have been there and I felt some of those same feelings but God has delivered me. Now in the words of Paul “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me” (Philippians 3:12). Let me be very clear, I am still very single and I am still not approached by many men that I’d actually date but my perspective on these truths have changed. So much so that I’ve decided to write this blog and share my story.
Where do I begin? I won’t bore you with the very beginning but I need to start somewhere in the middle. I came out of a really bad “situation-ship” (you know that situation that leads to a cycle of situations but no real title or relationship status is yielded) and was single all throughout senior year of undergraduate school. After graduating and coming back home, I enrolled in graduate school and totally immersed myself in schoolwork and Jesus. I was celibate, single, and absolutely loving it. Looking back I was very content but maybe in an unhealthy sense, as I totally shut myself off to the idea of meeting a guy or even having a male companion. Needless to say, my friends weren’t having it and one of my good friends talked me into online dating. Yes, you read that right… online dating. I found out a few interesting tidbits and lessons from the Lord through during this interesting journey. Here are a couple:
- Prayer will literally block that man’s vision- During my time of online dating I was pursued by a quite a few men that I thought, “could this be the one?” They were college educated, handsome, had well-paying jobs, and appeared very interested in actually dating and settling down. I would talk to them through the site and then begin with the text messaging and phone calls. I even went on a few dates that went well in my opinion. So you’re probably wondering, what happened? Well I have come to one conclusion and common denominator… prayer. Before each date I would earnestly pray for God’s will to be done and for him to close any doors opened by me and to open any doors He wanted open. And what can I say? God answers prayers.
- Never unveil yourself before it’s time- Did I forget to mention that one of those dates did lead to a callback and a few more dates, and eventually… a relationship? Ummm yeah so that didn’t last long. I was so sure that I had found the one or he’d found me for that matter, that I ignored every sign, let too many things “slide”, and made way too many excuses. The enemy was just waiting for me to let my guard down so he could send in the counterfeit. You know the one that is pretty close to the real thing but upon closer and more intense review, it’s like a fake Louie bag or a fugazi painting, nowhere close to the real thing. In Christian terms, this is the man who attends church, claims to love God, adores you, and who like you, is waiting until marriage to have sex. Sounds like a dream right? I had to learn the hard way that a man who attends church is far from a man of God and nothing but a church boy if he doesn’t have a personal relationship with the Savior. I found myself constantly apologizing or defending my love of God and pursuit of righteousness. I was looked at as a judger, “goody too shoes”, “holier than thou”, and whatever other insult there is for a person determined to live according to the commands and will of God.
Needless to say, God closed that door that I should have never opened. I endured heartache all because I became discontent with being hidden in Christ. I learned that hidden means “kept out of sight; concealed”. In order to be kept, someone has to do the “keeping”, which mean you become their possession. Our heavenly father knows our worth and literally hides us, His possessions, until the man he designed is ready to do the unveiling and finding. In light of this truth I have come to delight in being kept. I have, which means you to too… have the best matchmaker ever, the Creator of the universe! Do not let the facts of no men giving you a second glance, or not getting calls back, or those friends around you who are getting into relationships allow you to ignore the TRUTH. The God we serve knows our every need and says in His Word that He will supply all of them (Philippians 4:19), which means that if you are not being pursued you don’t need to be found, you simply want to be found. Sis, if all you have is Jesus right now, He’s all you need. Enjoy your season of divine concealment, it means you’re being kept by the greatest Keeper of them all. In due time you’ll be revealed.